Never Alone
by wordonthestreet2006
Summary: After Kira Hutch never thought that a woman could come between him and his partner. Was he wrong?
1. Chapter 1

"Ok, so I'm getting married. What's that gonna change?" asked Starsky. "What d'ya mean? It's gonna change everything." smiled Hutch "Your Torino will be exchanged for an MPV, guns for pens. You wont be working the streets Starsk'. She'll have you behind a desk. Safe." Hutch was teasing and Starsky knew it, although he had actually been thinking along those lines himself. Now he had Venna to consider he wasn't sure he wanted to be on the street anymore. He just had to break the news to Hutch. "Hey Hutch," Starsky looked at his partner, "You wanna go out tonight? I'll ask Venna to get a sitter and we all three could go out. Catch a movie maybe?" asked Starsky. "Starsky, if that lady, of yours, ever manages to get a sitter for those boys of hers, I think you'd better grab the chance to be alone with her. You aint gonna want me tagging along." replied Hutch. "Aw come on Hutch, they'll be plenty of time for that, after we're married" Hutch doubted that very much, but he knew Starsky was happy with his instant family. Four year old twin boys would frighten most men, but not Starsky. For him it was like having two new playmates. Had had never seen Starsky as happy as when he is on the floor, with Dylan and Ray, playing with their train set. Both boys clearly doted on Starsky, climbing on him, wrestling him and going for rides in his Torino. Hutch had already taught them to wind Starsky up by calling it a tomato. Yeah they were terrific kids all right and both they, and their mother were crazy about Starsky.

In the squad room Starsky was on the phone, "Venna, hi babe" "Oh Dave sweetheart, anything the matter?" "No. Listen Hutch and I want to take you out tonight. Any chance your folks can have the boys?" "Sure Dave. Oh, I forgot, their car's in the shop. I'll have to take Dylan and Ray to their place." "Will they be okay with that?" asked Starsky. Venna laughed "Oh Dave, are you kidding? You know my pop he'll have them swimming in their pool all evening. They probably wont get to bed at all!" Starsky laughed too. He liked Venna's parents. Tom and Mary Talbot doted on their grandsons and, since Venna's first husband had died, Tom had been more like a father, than grandfather to both boys. "Okay Venna, I'll collect Hutch and come get you" "Dave collect me at my parents. I can leave them my car and they can bring the boys home in the morning. That way we get all night together. Alone" Venna smiled. "All night huh, what did you have in mind?" Starsky's eyes lit up at the thought. Hutch caught what Starsky had said and smiled. It was good to see his friend happy. He also realised they probably wouldn't be out late, as Venna and his partner would want to get home.

Starsky pulled up outside Hutch's apartment at 7pm. He sounded the horn. Inside, on hearing the Torino, Hutch grabbed his jacket. He was just about to leave, when the telephone rang. Enroute to the front door he snatched up the phone, "Yeah, make it quick," he snapped into the handset. "Hutchinson?" Boomed the voice of his superior. "Oh Cap'n sorry, yeah it's Hutch, I was on my way out." Hutch was surprised that Captain Dobey would be calling him at home. "Where's that partner of yours?" Dobey asked. "Actually Cap he's outside waiting for me" Hutch replied, cheerfully. "Hutchinson you need to get him over to memorial hospital." Dobey continued. "What Captain, what?" Hutch had not really been listening and was now, suddenly, concerned. "what's going on?" queried Hutch. "There's been an accident. Miss Talbot..." "Venna?" interrupted Hutch, "Captain what happened?" "Hutchinson just get Starsky there. I don't know all the details. Traffic just called it in"

Outside, in the Torino, Starsky was getting impatient. "Come on Hutch" he moaned to himself and sounded the horn again. Hutch hearing the car horn snapped out of the shock, he was feeling and said softly "Sure Captain, I'll get him there."

By the time Hutch had left the building Starsky was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. On seeing his partner he yelled through the window "Come on Hutch, we're gonna be late for the movie!" Hutch did not quicken his pace. Starsky responded "Hutch, will you come on" Hutch got into the car. "What's going on? You know we gotta meet Venna" Starsky wasn't looking at his partner, and was getting ready to pull away when Hutch put his hand on Starsky's arm. "Starsk' there's been an accident..." Hutch began. "What? Who? My mother?" Starsky asked, confused.

On seeing Hutch shake his head Starsky realised. "Venna. Where?" Hutch responded gently, "Memorial hospital"

On arrival, at the hospital Starsky and Hutch made straight for the nurses station. Hutch showed his badge and introduced them. "Detectives Hutchinson and Starsky, regarding the Venna Talbot automobile accident." A young nurse told them to wait whilst she fetched the doctor, who could answer their questions. Hutch turned to Starsky, "You okay buddy?" he asked. "I, I don't know. Hutch I need to see Venna, need to know how she is." Starsky looked lost and afraid, "I'm scared Hutch" "I know buddy, I know" soothed Hutch nodding.

A very tired looking doctor approached them, "Detectives, I don't know what I can tell you that I haven't already reported..." He began. Starsky interrupted "Doctor, I'm Miss Talbot's fiancé. I'm Detective Starsky." "Oh I see. Well Mr Starsky, I'm sorry to tell you Miss Talbot died twenty minutes ago." The doctor looked sorry. Starsky looked numb. Hutch touched his arm. Starsky snapped out of it, "Uh Doc' her sons, she had her sons with her. How are they?" Starsky asked. The doctor continued "One child died instantly, at the scene. The other escaped with barely a scratch." "Can I see her?" asked Starsky "Yes. You might want to take your partner with you. It may be better if you have a friend with you" said the doctor. "Where?" asked Hutch. "Room 167" replied the doctor. "Come on Starsk'. I'll be with you, all the way." urged Hutch. "No Hutch. It's okay. I need to do this alone. I need to say goodbye" As Starsky walked away the doctor called after him, "The surviving child is in room 119. Miss Talbot's parents are with him"

After Starsky left Hutch proceeded to ask the doctor what happened. "Police, at the scene, think that the child climbed out of his car seat and Miss Talbot was trying to re-settle him and lost control of the vehicle. She ploughed into the concrete barrier at the side of the highway. It's a miracle one child survived. It's such a waste. Do you think your friend will be all right?" asked the doctor, with concern. "I don't know Doc'. He's been through something like this before." Hutch was remembering Terri, "He's tough but I really don't know how he'll be this time" Hutch was worried. Starsky had barely survived losing Terri but to lose Venna also. He was waiting for his partner when he came out of Venna's room. He'd obviously been crying but smiled, a small reassuring smile, when he saw Hutch. "Hiya buddy. How ya doin'?" Asked Hutch. "I'm okay, I guess. I need to see Venna's parents and her son. God, I forgot to ask, did the doc' tell you which child survived?" asked Starsky. "No Starsk', sorry." replied Hutch. "It's okay. 119 right?" "Yeah. Hey Starsk', you want me to come?" "No Hutch. I'll be fine. You'll be here when I get out?" asked Starsky. "Sure I aint going no where." said Hutch. Starsky was grateful. He knew he could count on Hutch. He made his way to room 119.


	2. Chapter 2

Mary and Tom Talbot were sitting by a large hospital bed, with a small child in it. Tom rose, on seeing Starsky enter. He shook his hand. No words were said but Tom nodded and Starsky could see that Tom was trying to be strong for his wife. Mary continued to sit, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. Starsky bent and lightly kissed her. "Oh David" she wept "It's so good that you're here"

The child, in the bed, suddenly sprang up and, as if to prove he wasn't injured lunged at Starsky, "Uncle Dave, Uncle Dave!" he yelped gleefully. Starsky could see it was Dylan who had survived. That meant Venna and Ray were gone. He had to blink back tears as the realization hit him, "Hiya Champ" he said trying to smile, "How'ya doin'?" "I'm okay" he answered "But grandma sure is sad. Uncle Dave is mommy coming soon? I thought she was with you. Is she coming soon?" Starsky looked at the Talbots. Tom shook his head. Starsky realized that Dylan did not know about his mother and his brother. Mary spoke, "David we weren't able to tell him. We were hoping, you being a policeman and all..." Starsky understood that he was meant to tell Dylan. He didn't know how. "Dylan will you be okay if ma and Grandma and Grandpa go outside for a while?" Starsky asked the small boy, who responded by nodding and saying, "Are you going to get mommy?" "No champ, but I need to talk to your grandparents. I'll be right back, I promise." "Okay Uncle Dave" Starsky left the room. Tom and Mary kissed Dylan and joined Starsky outside. "Are you two all right?" he asked the Talbots. "We're fine David. We've got each other. How about you son?" Tom asked. "I'm not sure. I don't really think it's sunk in yet. I still keep thinking I'll see her again. I'm not really sure how I feel. What about Dylan?" Starsky asked. Mary took Starsky's hand, "David, Venna loved you very much. After Dylan and Ray's father died we thought we'd never see her happy again. You gave our daughter so much love and happiness. I want to thank you for that. David we want you to take Dylan. He loves you. He needs you and we think it's what Venna would have wanted." Starsky was stunned, "Mary, Tom, I can't take Dylan. I'm a cop. My job..." Mary continued, "David, he loves you. We're too old to raise a four year old. He hasn't got anyone else." Tom interrupted "David we have given this lots of thought. Ever since we heard we immediately had to think of our grandson. We're asking you to raise Venna's son" Starsky didn't know what to say. "I need to think. I need to see Dylan. Firstly he's got to be told about his brother and his mom. The rest, I don't know. I need time." inside he was thinking _I need Venna. I need Hutch._ Slowly, he walked back into room119.

He smiled at the small blond child, eagerly waiting for him, "Did you get mommy?" asked the boy. Starsky sat on Dylan's bed and pulled him onto his lap. "Dylan do you remember you were in an accident?" asked Starsky, gently. "In mommy's car" responded Dylan. "That's right buddy. In mommy's car" Starsky was finding this really hard. The reality of explaining to Dylan was forcing him to face that Venna was gone. He closed his eyes and sighed, "Uncle Dave, are you okay?" He was feeling confused and frightened. He had a feeling something bad was happening. His Grandma and Uncle Dave were acting really strange and he had not seen his mom or Ray. "Uncle Dave, where's Ray?" he asked. Starsky hugged the little boy close. He was an orphan now and Starsky had to tell him. "Dylan your mommy and Ray were hurt in the accident. They were hurt very badly and the doctors couldn't make them better" Starsky looked at Dylan. His face only showed confusion. "Dylan, Ray and Mommy died sweetheart. Do you understand?" He asked gently. Tears began to well in Dylan's eyes "Like daddy?" "Yes Dylan, like daddy" "It means we wont see them no more" "No Dylan we wont" "Uncle Dave?" "Yes sweetheart?" "Who'll take care of me now?" and in that moment Starsky made his decision. He was Venna's son. He was going to be their son. "I am Dylan. I'm gonna take care of you now" Starsky held the child and, together, they cried.

Starsky stayed with Dylan until he had fallen asleep. He then went to meet Hutch. He was sitting waiting and rose when he saw Starsky approach. His partner looked tired and Hutch could see that he was all cried out. Hutch smiled warmly to him. "Tough day, huh partner? You okay?" He asked, with concern. Starsky sighed "Oh Hutch, this is so god-damned hard. I never thought...I never imagined losing her. After Terri I didn't dare hope to love again but then Venna...Oh God..." Starsky broke down and sobbed in Hutch's arms. "It's okay Starsk'. It's gonna be okay. I'm here. I'm here buddy." Hutch soothed. Starsky eventually gathered himself enough to sit down. "Starsk', you wanna coffee?" Starsky shook his head. "They want me to take Dylan" he began. "Who?" asked Hutch confused. "The Talbots. Venna's parents. Dylan's okay. He wasn't hurt. They want me to raise him." Starsky looked beat. "What you gonna do?" asked Hutch. "He's Venna's child. He's all I got left of her. I love her so much. I want him Hutch. I really do. I wasn't sure, I didn't know it at first but I need him as much as he needs me" Hutch could see Starsky was emotional but determined, "Whatever you decide buddy. You know you got my support. Hey I loved her too." "Thanks partner. I gotta sort things out. I can't take Dylan to my place it's too small." Starsky said, thinking. "Hutch I'm gonna take him home. His room is there, his toys, his things. It might help him. Poor little guy. He's gonna be coping with a lot." "What about you buddy?" Hutch asked, "Dylan's a terrific kid, hell they both were, but raising him. Starsky he's only a baby. Your talking about a lifetimes commitment." "Hutch I'm sure. I owe it to Venna to make this work. You know if we were already married, and Dylan was ours, there'd be no question. I know it's gonna be hard, really hard but I loved her." Starsky sighed "So much"

Starsky decided to spend the night at the hospital. Hutch, reluctantly, went home, promising to return in the morning.

Next day, when Hutch arrived at the hospital, he could hear Starsky arguing, in the doctors office. He asked to go in but was told to wait. Showing his badge he went in, anyway. He looked at his partner and then at the others, in the room. There was the doctor, whom they had spoken to yesterday, a hospital security guard and a young woman. "Starsk?" questioned Hutch. "And you are?" asked the young woman. "Sergeant Hutchinson, I'm Sergeant Starsky's partner" he replied.

Well Sergeant, I am Meredith Chambers. I am from children's welfare services. Your partner is attempting to remove a patient from this hospital." she informed Hutch, with an air of contempt. Starsky interrupted "Look Lady, I am not trying to remove anyone. Doc says Dylan can go home, I'm taking him home." "Mr Starsky I have told you before, you have no authority to take him home. Only his next of kin can sign his release papers." Hutch could see tears of frustration welling in Starsky's eyes. He answered, "Miss Chambers my partner has just lost his fiancée, and her son. Mr and Mrs Talbot, Miss Talbot's parents, Dylan's next of kin have asked my partner to take Dylan. Surely that's release enough?" "We at welfare services have to keep the child's best interests as paramount." she began. "For Christ sake lady!" shouted Starsky, "What the hell do you think I am trying to do?" "Mr Starsky shouting is not getting us anywhere" "I'm sorry, I just want to get Dylan home. He's just lost his mom and his brother. I need to get him outta here." Starsky said beat," I need to take him home". Meredith Chambers looked at the dark haired detective. She doubted if, emotionally, he could cope with a four year old child. She also knew that he was probably focusing on Dylan's needs, so as not to have to face his own grief. Then she looked at his blond partner and something in the way he supported his friend made her feel that maybe what Dylan needed, rather than a foster home, was a little love. She did not doubt that David Starsky loved this little boy, very much. "All right Mr Starsky. You can take Dylan home, for now. I'll come by, in a few days and check on you both. You'll need to apply to the court to become Dylan's legal guardian. If you do this and I am able to ensure Dylan's welfare, then I will be able to recommend he stays with you. Can you do that?" she asked. "He'll do it!" answered Hutch, "Come on buddy let's get out of here."


	3. Chapter 3

Walking into Venna's home was difficult. Dylan was tired and still expected to see his mom soon. Starsky looked at the little boy, walking hand in hand, with Hutch and realised he was looking at the two most important people, on this earth, to him. Venna was gone. He closed his eyes, in a bid to stop the tears that threatened to spill. In a moment his friend was there. One hand still held tight to Dylan, the other now resting on Starsky's shoulder. _With his help_ thought Starsky _I might just make it._ He smiled meekly at Hutch, who nodded an acknowledgement, without words, _I'm here buddy, I'm here._ Together they entered the house.

Hutch stayed late that night, only leaving after Starsky insisted he needed some time alone. Dylan had long gone to sleep, happy to be home again.

Sitting alone, in Venna's home, Starsky wondered how he was ever going to feel good again. He was meant to be planning a wedding, now he would be planning a funeral.

Tom and Mary had thought they were being kind, when they asked Starsky to make the arrangements. They felt it might help him but Starsky could not see, or feel how anything was going to help him now.

He went to check on Dylan, who was fast asleep. It was past midnight and Starsky still could not face going to bed. The bed he and Venna had shared for so many nights. "Oh Ven'" he said aloud and felt the tears begin to fall.

The telephone rang. Starsky tried to ignore it, but it continued to ring. He was worried it would wake Dylan so, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, he picked up the phone. "Hey Starsk'" Starsky heard the voice of his partner, "How ya doin'? You can't sleep huh?" Starsky smiled wearily. "I'm tryin' Hutch. Guess it's harder than I thought it would be." "You want me to come over?" Hutch knew Starsky. He knew how he liked to try and deal with things, alone, brooding but Hutch wanted Starsky to know that he was not alone. Never alone. Starsky sighed," Sure partner." "I'll be twenty minutes" Hutch reassured Starsky "and hey" "Yeah Hutch?" "I love ya buddy. You'll get through this, you'll see" "Thanks partner" Starsky said weakly, "see ya soon" Starsky replaced the handset and went to the kitchen. He thought about a beer but decided on a coffee instead, but the thought of blotting out the pain, with alcohol was a tempting one. He returned to the sofa to wait for Hutch.

Hutch arrived in fifteen minutes. He was concerned when Starsky answered the door, "Starsk' you look terrible. Maybe we should see a doctor in the morning. He might be able to give you something. Help you sleep." "No pills Hutch. Honestly pal, I'll be fine. I just gotta feel like this until I don't feel like this anymore." "You wanna talk?" "God Hutch, where do I start? I'm scared" "I don't know what there is to be scared of Starsky." Starsky looked at Hutch, tears filled his eyes, "Am I always gonna be alone?" "Oh Starsky come here" Hutch let Starsky's head rest on his chest "You're not alone, never alone. It will get better. I know it doesn't feel like that now. Give it time Starsky. I'm here, I'll always be here." "But what if you're not Hutch? My dad, Terri, Venna they all died. Seems as soon as I start loving somebody they leave. Kiss of death huh?" "Starsky I aint gonna die. Not because of you anyway. You're always there covering me, backing me up. Starsky I'm alive because of you. Who got me off the heroin? Who found Callander, got him to come in, use his blood as an antidote? Who Starsky?" "Hutch that's my job. That don't mean nothing" "Starsky that means everything. Terri died, that's not your fault." "She died because of me Hutch. Venna died because of me" "Venna? How did Venna die because of you? It was an accident buddy, a tragic accident."

"She died because I asked her to come out. Hutch if we didn't do what we do, work the crazy hours that we do, I could' a' seen her anytime, but the job...I had to fit her round the job. Didn't I?" "Starsky..." Hutch began, but Starsky continued, "I'm quitting the force, Hutch." "What? Starsky you can't make a decision like that now. It's too soon." "No Hutch. I was thinking before Venna died. Dylan, he needs me" "Starsky I need you." Hutch pleaded. Starsky looked at Hutch. There were tears in both their eyes. "Hutch please try and understand. I don't wanna lose you. I can't lose you. I can't risk losing you too."

Starsky broke down, sobbing. Hutch held him. Starsky cried and cried, his body racked with sobs. Hutch was hurting too. He hated feeling so helpless. Hated seeing his friend in pain. For Starsky's pain was his pain too. To halves of one soul. When one's heart was breaking, equally was the other's. Hutch tried to be strong. He led Starsky to the bedroom and eased him onto the bed. "Come on Starsky, shhhhhsh" He soothed. "Lie down buddy, lie down" Starsky allowed himself to be laid on the bed, still crying. Hutch held him and they stayed that way for a long time. Hutch watching Starsky. He'd never seen him cry like this. Not even after Terri and, god knows, that nearly broke him. This time it was different. It was sudden. No time to prepare and there was little Ray too. Hutch could only hope that, with time and support, Starsky would get through this too. "You're not gonna lose me Starsky. I promise."

Eventually Starsky fell asleep and Hutch went to check on Dylan. He stood watching the small boy, sleeping peacefully, "Sleep well. My partner needs you. I think you'll pull him through." Hutch returned, to the lounge, for a long night on the couch.

Surprisingly Starsky slept well, probably through sheer exhaustion. When he awoke, he could hear Hutch and Dylan in the kitchen. The child was chatting about the new bikes he and Ray were getting for their fifth birthday, which Starsky realized was just over a month away. "Mommy and Uncle Dave said I could have a green one. I like green. Ray's gonna get a blue one" Hearing Dylan speak, reminded Starsky of the last time he and Venna went shopping together. They had bought both bikes, in the colours Dylan had described. Starsky sighed, thinking about Ray and how the blue bike would never be given as a gift now. His eyes were full of tears as he entered the kitchen. "Hey fellas" he said with mock cheerfulness. Dylan jumped from the chair and bounded over. "Oh Uncle Dave, me and Hutch was making breakfast. You was meant to stay in bed. We're cooking pancakes." Hutch looked at Starsky. Starsky managed a small smile towards Dylan and nodded to Hutch, "Pancakes huh? Not that health food guk you usually whip up for breakfast partner?" "No way Starsk'. Dylan wants pancakes, so that's what Dylan gets." "Uncle Dave do you want chocolate or syrup?" asked Dylan. Starsky laughed. This was probably one of the worst mornings of his life, up there with the morning after his father was killed and there was this little boy making everything normal. "Sure Champ, whatever, hey how' bout chocolate and syrup?" Hutch smiled and patted Starsky on the back, "Starsky that stomach of yours. Dylan don't eat like Uncle Dave, your hair will curl!" Hutch laughed, Starsky laughed too. Dylan looked at both men and said "Hutch my hair is like yours and mommy's" "You're right Dylan, it's just like mine and mommy's" said Hutch scooping up the little boy and sitting him on the counter. "And Ray's" whispered Starsky. "Hutch you think you can watch Dylan? I gotta get some air" The light hearted moment had passed and Starsky was sombre again. "Hey Starsk'" Hutch soothed, "You want we'll all go huh?" "No it's okay. I'm fine, really. Dylan stay with Hutch will ya?" "Sure Uncle Dave. Me and Hutch can finish the pancakes. Then can I watch Power Rangers?" "Starsk'?" queried Hutch. " I don't know Dylan, you know what your mom said about Power rangers." "Yeah, but mommy's not here. Pleeeeease!" The statement threw Starsky and he shouted at Dylan, "No mommy's not here, but we mustn't forget her! All her values, her rules!" Hutch stepped in "Hey Starsk' ease up huh, he's only four. Come on buddy" Starsky looked sorry, "I'm, I didn't mean it Dylan, look no Power Rangers today. You fix breakfast, with Hutch and we'll all go out. What do ya say?" "Sure" sulked the little boy. "Come on you, let's finish making this breakfast" Hutch said cheerfully, to the child, tousling his hair "Uncle Dave's gonna take a shower, aren't you buddy?" "Sure Hutch" Starsky replied.

Starsky had to make a real effort to eat, but Dylan was so proud of his cooking, that Starsky felt he ought to at least try. After breakfast, Hutch took Dylan to find his clothes, whilst Starsky cleaned the kitchen. Standing alone, in Venna's home, he felt the tears rising again. He prayed, silently, that he had the strength to go on. "Venna why? Why did you leave us? Dylan needs you. Hell, I need you. How'm I gonna raise him Ven?" He almost felt Venna's presence, as though she were speaking back to him. _You can do itDavid I'm counting on you. I need you to take care of my son. Take care of yourself. Lean on Hutch. If you need him, he'll be there. Starsky_ remembered Venna's love, Venna's smile and by the time Hutch and Dylan had returned, to the kitchen, Starsky had regained some strength. "Come on then Champ, what you say we go the park. You comin' Hutch?" "Starsky, I wouldn't miss it." "Uncle Dave?" "Yeah Dylan?" "Why does Hutch call you Starsky?" "Maybe you better ask Hutch." "Hutch?" "Erm, because I'm too big for him to be my Uncle Dave" Hutch smiled. "Mommy always calls you David" "That's right Dylan she does...did" Starsky replied. "Uncle Dave?" "Yes Dylan?" "Can I call you Starsky too? I'm big. Like Hutch" Starsky laughed, picking up the boy and holding him high he said "Yeah Champ, wow, you sure are as big as Hutch!"

Despite his inner sadness Starsky made a huge effort to enjoy himself, at the park. Admittedly Hutch did most of the running around, with the boy. Hutch bought him an ice-cream and it was Hutch's shoulders that carried a very tired Dylan back to the Torino, at the end of the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

On arrival, at the house, Starsky could hear the telephone ringing, inside, as he got out of the car. He ran up the drive, leaving Hutch to retrieve Dylan, and into the house to answer the call. "Hello" "David?" "Mom?" "Yes son it's me. I heard from Harold. He told me about Venna. How are you?" On hearing his mother's voice Starsky broke down. He had been holding it together all morning, afraid if he gave in, to tears, he'd never stop. Sobs wracked his body. He could not get any words out, he just sobbed and sobbed. Hutch came in carrying Dylan, who was fast asleep. He acknowledged Starsky with a small nod and a reassuring smile and carried the child up to his bedroom. Starsky could hear his mothers voice "Oh David, let me come. I can be there in a few hours. David?" Starsky continued to sob. Hutch came, from settling Dylan. Putting one arm around his partner's shoulders, he took the telephone from him. "Hello" he said into the phone. "Kenneth, Kenneth is that you?" asked Mrs Starsky. "Rachael? Yeah it's me." Hutch replied. "Thank you, thank you for being there with my David" The relief in her voice was obvious, so was the concern. "How is he Kenneth? He sound so distraught." Rachael Starsky asked. Hutch smiled, sympathetically at his friend, he answered "He's gonna be okay. It's good he's crying, letting it all out. He needs this. It's doing him good. I'm here" he said, as much to Starsky as he did to his friend's mother.

"Ken, do you think I should come? Do you think David needs me?" Starsky's mother asked. Hutch was unsure if Rachael knew about Dylan. "I think maybe you should be here." he replied. Starsky was now slumped on the sofa, beat, crying silently. Hutch turned and looked at his partner, into the phone he said, "I think he needs you right now. I think he's finding this really hard. He's got a lot to cope with." Hutch didn't know how to let the woman know about Starsky's decision to keep Dylan. In truth he doubted if Starsky would keep him. It had been Hutch that had done all the caring, so far, although that was understandable. "Please come Rachael. He needs to talk. He needs you" Hutch begged. "I'll take the next available flight, and Kenneth..." she began "Yes?" Hutch asked "Look after my boy" she finished. "You know it. Let me know what flight you'll be on and I'll come get you, when you land." Hutch offered. "Thank you Kenneth. Let David know, I'll see you both soon" Hutch replaced the handset and went into the kitchen. He grabbed two beers from the refrigerator and walked back to Starsky. Sitting next to him, Hutch opened the can and offered it to his friend. Starsky shook his head. "Aw come on Starsk' it'll make you feel better." Hutch reassured. "Hutch, I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. Not this time" Starsky said, lost. "Hey buddy. It will get better. Give it time." Hutch soothed. "Your ma's coming. She's worried about you. Come on Starsky. It wont always feel like this. Trust me." "Hutch what about Dylan? I can't keep Dylan. I can't look after him" Starsky felt as though he had really failed. "I know I should. I know Venna would want me to. My heart wants to do it, but my head. Hutch I'm so confused. I don't know what's right anymore. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel." Starsky looked at Hutch, "How'm I supposed to feel Hutch?" He put his head in his hands. "Starsk'" Hutch looked at Starsky, tenderly, full of concern, "I don't know buddy. Don't think about it now. Don't try too hard. It takes time. Starsky your ma will be here soon, let's just focus on that, shall we?" Hutch offered a small smile and patted Starsky's shoulder. "Just give it time" He soothed. In silence, they drank their beers. Both detectives were tired, emotional and beat. Hutch was desperately worried about his friend but he knew there wasn't much he could do, other than be there, when Starsky needed him.

Over the next few days Starsky improved. His mother's presence was helping. She loved Dylan and had, all but convinced Starsky to keep him. He was still talking about giving up police work, but, on the whole, was much better. Meredith Chambers had been by and was very pleased with how things were going. Thanks to Rachael, the house was clean and Dylan seemed fine. The only problem seemed to be at bedtime. Dylan insisted on sleeping with Starsky. Apart from that first night out of hospital, Dylan had not been back to his own bed, since his mother and brother had died. "Come on Dylan, how' bout it? You can't sleep with me forever." Starsky urged the little boy. "NO STARSKY, NO!" shouted Dylan, frantically shaking his head. "Look Champ, I'll come in with you. I'll stay with you, until you fall asleep" Starsky promised. "NO!" shouted Dylan, again. Starsky picked him up, deciding maybe he needed to be firmer. He was tired of this every night. "Come on Dylan, bedtime" he said carrying him up the stairs. Dylan fought all the way. He was screaming and thrashing about but, as soon as Starsky entered his room, all the fight went out of him. Starsky laid the child on the bed, only to see him shaking. "Hey come on sweetheart" Starsky soothed stroking the child's hair. "It's okay. Dylan this is your room. All your toys are here" Dylan was crying, silently and continued to shake. "Dylan, please, come on, talk to me huh? Tell me what's wrong? Tell me what you need?" In a small voice, so full of sadness, Dylan replied "I need mommy." Starsky picked up the little boy and held him close, "I need mommy too Champ, I need mommy too." Starsky rocked him on his lap. He did eventually fall asleep, but Starsky carried him into his room, anyway, "Looks like it's you and me again tonight" he said as he tucked the little boy into bed. He whispered, as he turned out the light, "Sleep well, little guy" then he kissed, the sleeping child, gently and went downstairs.

Getting through the funeral was difficult. Rachael did not think that the child should be there. Starsky disagreed and insisted Dylan attended. Hutch agreed with Starsky. Dylan was missing his brother. All his life he had an instant playmate, with Ray. Now he was alone. Starsky could imagine how he felt. He had Hutch. Dylan had no-one. He was due to begin school soon and Starsky hoped that would help, and there was still his birthday to look forward to, but Starsky did not know any of Dylan's friends, so did not know how to arrange any celebration.

In trying to make things normal, for Dylan, Starsky was gradually living again. The funeral had given some sense of closure for him and Dylan. He had finally managed to get the boy back into his own room. In the past month he and Hutch had redecorated Dylan's bedroom. They had kept Ray's toys, but removed his clothes and his bed. Photographs had been put up around the house. Pictures of the four of them playing and being together. Dylan and Ray's baby pictures had been arranged, in collages, around Dylan's bedroom and there was now a photograph of his mother on the wall above his bed. Starsky had spoken no-more about quitting the police force but neither had he talked about returning to work. Captain Dobey had told Starsky to take as long as he needed. He'd given Hutch a month to support Starsky. The month was over and Hutch wanted to talk to his partner about returning to work with him. He'd been staying with Starsky since Venna's death. On the surface Starsky did seem much better. The old' Starsky grin was back. Rachael had even babysat a couple of times, whilst they went out to Huggy's. But, at night, Hutch could here Starsky crying in bed. Many times he thought he should go in and see him, but he knew Starsky probably needed the time alone. Hutch thought maybe getting Starsky to the squad room might be a good way to raise the subject. Whilst Rachael was putting Dylan to bed, Hutch asked Starsky if he could take Dylan to visit the precinct, in the morning. "So what do you say Starsk'? You gonna come, or what?" "I'll think about it Hutch. I'm not sure I'm ready." "Starsky it'll do you good, you know Dylan's fascinated about where we work. Besides all that you can ask the Captain if Edith can help organize Dylan's birthday." Starsky, seeing that Hutch had a point, and being too tired to argue, reluctantly agreed. "Okay partner, tomorrow we'll all go to the precinct."

In the morning the little boy woke with a sore throat and runny nose. Rachael told Starsky and Hutch they should go without him. Starsky started to protest but he was outnumbered and, pretty soon, he and Hutch were on their way to the police department building. "Just like old times, hey buddy?" asked Hutch, watching Starsky drive. "Not quite partner." replied Starsky, without turning. "I've got a little boy at home now" Then, turning to Hutch, "Never had that before, did I?" he smiled. "Starsk', the past month, we haven't really talked about it. I know you miss her buddy. I know your head's probably all screwed up now, but have you thought about work?" Hutch asked. "Hutch, right now, all I can think about is Dylan and missing Venna. And Ray. I had a family Hutch, ya know? When I was little I always dreamt about having a family. When I was with Helen, we talked about it, you know that and Terri, we never had the chance, but with Venna, I got lucky. I got my whole family, all in one package and then it was gone. It wasn't just Venna and Ray that died that day Hutch. It was dreams, my future." "Aw come on Starsky, you can still have dreams, a future" Hutch reassured. "It don't feel like it Hutch. I can't even think straight. During the day I'm focussing on Dylan's needs, his birthday, his school. There's Venna's parents, making sure he sees them. Feeding him, playing with him, soothing him. All about Dylan. At night...It's all Venna. Missing her, hating her." "Hating her?" interrupted Hutch, "Yeah. For leaving. And loving her, still loving her. Always Venna. I can't even think about me yet." "Starsky you have to. You need, you feel. You're hurting buddy." Hutch touched Starsky's arm "I'm here, you know that" "Yeah Hutch you're here, ma's here. Venna's not here. God Hutch I miss her so much. Sometimes the pain, it feels almost physical" Starsky looked scared. "I know, I know" soothed Hutch. The rest of the journey was spent in silence.

Arriving at the precinct, Starsky was surprised at how strange it felt. He visibly shuddered. Hutch noticed and prompted his partner "Come on Starsky. You can do this. You'll see."

Everyone was thrilled, and amazed, to see Detective Sergeants Starsky and Hutchinson enter the squad room together. Many offered their condolences, to Starsky, but most were just happy to see the team back together again. Captain Dobey, knowing they were coming, had organized an impromptu party in his office and soon everyone, including Starsky, were laughing and enjoying themselves.

On the way home, in the Torino, Starsky felt the happiest he had done, since Venna's death. "Hey Hutch" he said, turning to his partner. Hutch looked at him. Starsky continued, "Thanks" Hutch smiled and put his arm around the back of Starsky's seat, "You're welcome" he smiled.

At home Rachael was worried about Dylan. His throat was sore was worse and his temperature was up. She had called the doctor and was about to call Starsky when he and Hutch came walking in, arms around each other, smiling. "Oh David you're home. I'm worried about the baby. Poor little thing. He's really not well. I've telephoned the doctor." "S'okay ma, you rest up. I'll go see him. I'm sure it's just a cold" Starsky smiled casually. He remembered how his mother used to fuss whenever he and Nicky were sick. She always thought they were dying and would telephone the doctor and then Aunt Rose, for chicken soup. "Hey Ma" he called, from halfway up the stairs, "When's the chicken soup arriving?" he grinned. Hutch laughed. He was so pleased that Starsky had enjoyed his day.

Starsky bounded up the stairs, to see Dylan.

The child was in his bed, sleeping. Starsky quietly went over and felt his forehead. He was hot, but not too hot. He had a temperature, but nothing serious. Starsky was happy to let him sleep and went downstairs to wait for the doctor.

Hutch had already helped himself to a beer and was seated in the kitchen. "How's our boy?" he asked, as Starsky entered. "He'll live. He's asleep." Starsky answered and then "Hutch..." "Starsk'..." both partners said together. "You first" added Hutch. Starsky continued, "I think maybe I should get back to work...I didn't realise how much I missed it. You know Hutch for the first time, I felt alive today, for the first time in a month." Starsky grinned. "That's great Starsk'. The department needs you. Hey I need you, you big lug!" Hutch laughed. Starsky's mother came in, "My you two look happy, David?" she questioned. "I'm gonna be okay ma." Starsky told her, as if realising it at last. "It's gonna take time, but I think I'm gonna be okay. Maybe you need to get back to New York? And maybe I need to start doing this alone." "Hey Starsky" interrupted Hutch, "You're not alone buddy. Remember that" "Sure partner," Starsky nodded, smiling, "Sure. I need to sort out school, day-care, maybe a house keeper..." Starsky's brain was running in overdrive, "Hey slow down partner. Let's take it as it comes hey?" "Oh God" Starsky said, his face ashen. "What?" Hutch asked, worried. "Dylan's school, they're expecting Ray. I haven't told them about Ray" "It's okay buddy. I'll sort it out. You got the details?" "Somewhere, Venna sorted it out. I can find them." "Okay you do that and I'll pay the school a visit, explain. They might know about day-care too." "Fine idea Ollie" replied Starsky and Hutch grinned. He had not heard Starsky say that for a long while now. His partner was on his way back. Hutch couldn't help but smile. He had not realised that Starsky had got so much worked out. He'd obviously been thinking about it for a while. Hutch wondered when he did that, but was grateful that he had. "When does school begin?" asked Hutch. "Next week" replied Starsky "Venna and me were going to take them" Starsky shrugged and sighed. "Okay, so now it'll have to be us" reassured Hutch, nodding. "Look go find the details, then wait for the doctor. I'll see if I can get it sorted. I gotta return to work soon Starsk', so we'd better do this first" "Hutch..." Starsky looked at Hutch, "You think Dobey will give you another couple of weeks? I need you here buddy and maybe then I'll go back with you" "We can but try, partner. Let's sort out school and I'll drop by and talk to Dobey in the morning." "Hutch..." "Yeah buddy?" "Thanks"

Soon everything was sorted out. Hutch had been in to see the principal, Mrs Stanley. She sympathised with Hutch and asked him to pass on her condolences to Mr Starsky. She said she was very much looking forward to taking Dylan and would let his teacher know the situation, in case he needed any support. Hutch thanked her and decided to make his way to the precinct. _May as well go and see Dobey now_ he thought to himself.


	5. Chapter 5

When he arrived other officers were still clearing away the mess, from the earlier celebrations, but no-one seemed to mind, in fact they were surprised to see Hutch back so soon. Minnie approached him, "Hi Hutch, where's that curly haired partner of yours?" She smiled. "Oh Hi Minnie. His kid got sick, he's waiting for the doctor." Hutch was shocked at how easily he had responded. A few months ago he would never have figured Starsky as a father, then he met Venna and... "Hey Hutch, you still here?" It was Minnie, "Oh I..." Hutch smiled. "You were a million miles away then. You okay?" She asked. "Oh sure, you know me, Starsky's the one we need to worry about." He reassured. "I don't know Blondie. He's got you looking out for him. Who's looking out for you?" She asked again, concerned. "Me? What do I need looking out for?" he laughed. "Hutch don't discount yourself. You loved her too. Didn't you?" she challenged. "Minnie, she was Starsky's girl. It was never gonna happen." he responded, with regret. "Starsky needs me now. How'd you find out?" he asked. "It was written all over your face. Every time Starsky talked about her. He glowed, you glowed too" She smiled tenderly. "Nothing happened Minnie. She didn't even know" "Hey Hutch you don't need to convince me. I know you'd never cheat on Starsky." Hutch sighed and thought about Kira, "No Minnie, never" It was with a heavy heart that Hutch went in to see his captain.

"Hutchinson, what are you doing here? Is Starsky all right?" asked the Captain of detectives. "Yeah, yeah, look Cap'n I need to talk to you about my return." Hutch began. "Well don't just stand there, what?" Captain Dobey wasn't known for his patience, especially when it came to Starsky and Hutch. Hutch looked beat. _If only I hadn't had that conversation with Minnie_ He

thought. He slumped into a chair, "I need more time." He pleaded with his Captain. "Hutchinson, what's going on? I thought...Starsky seemed better today. I thought you were bringing him with you." "That's just it Captain, I want to bring him with me and he's nearly ready, but not yet. He just...We just need some more time." "How long?" asked Captain Dobey. "Two weeks. Tops. If Starsky's not ready I'll come back without him. His kid's just starting school. We gotta sort out day care, housekeeper, I need to get home. My green house has probably died..." Hutch was talking and talking. Dobey interrupted, "Hutch, HUTCH" he had to shout. "What, what? Sorry Captain. It's been a tough month" Hutch was worn out. Too busy looking after Starsky to even begin to watch out for himself. He had not shed a tear since Venna's funeral. He was afraid Starsky would guess what was up and that was the last thing Hutch wanted. "Captain please. We need this time." He begged. "Hutchinson I'm signing you off on sick leave. Indefinitely. You and that partner of yours are no good to me, or this department like this. Go. Go back to your friend..." Hutch felt relieved "Thanks Captain, I'll be back soon. I promise" Hutch thanked him and got up to leave. As he was at the door Captain Dobey said "Hutch, take care of yourself too." Hutch smiled as he left.

The doctor had been, Dylan had a mild throat infection and a cold, that was all. Starsky smiled, at his mother, when the verdict came in. She smiled too, "David Starsky, don't you look at me like that!" she scolded "You boys, you know how a mother worries" Starsky walked over and hugged her, "I know how this mother worries" he whispered, smiling, into her ear.

Starsky and his mother sat down to talk. "You know ma, It's the first time Hutch aint been here, and you know what? I'm okay." He seemed surprised, that he would be, "Maybe you and Hutch need to get back to your own lives now? I need to do this, hell..." he grinned "I CAN do this!" Rachael was pleased and squeezed Starsky's hand, "I believe you can son. I'd like to stay until after Dylan's birthday. A grandma needs to spoil her grandson on his birthday." "Sure ma. I wouldn't have it any other way."

The telephone rang. Starsky got up to answer it, "Starsky" he said, into the receiver. "Hey Starsk'" Starsky heard the voice of his partner, "Hutch?" "Yeah it's me. Listen, I got school all sorted out. We can take Dylan in on Tuesday. I went to see the Captain" Hutch began, "And?" interrupted Starsky, Hutch continued "And he says it's fine to take some more time." "Uh, Hutch I been thinking, maybe you outta go back." "Starsky?" "Honestly Hutch, I'm really okay. I been talking to ma, I'm ready to do this now. I gotta start living again Hutch. It may as well start now." Starsky sounded very certain, Hutch responded, "Starsky are you sure? It's only been a month. You said yourself you haven't even began to think about you yet." Hutch sounded concerned. Starsky reassured him, "No and I'm not gonna, with you and ma babysitting me all the time. I'm a big boy Hutch. After Terri died, I didn't think I had enough strength to remain on this earth but I did. If I did it then..."He thought for a moment "Hutch I can do it again" "I'm pleased for you buddy. How' bout I hang around until after Dylan's birthday? I mean an uncle needs to spoil his nephew on his birthday." Starsky laughed. "Sure Hutch, wouldn't have it any other way."

The first day of school was soon upon them. It was hard to guess who was more nervous, Dylan, Starsky or Hutch. Both detectives were tearful as they led Dylan into the class room. On entering Starsky held Dylan's hand but as soon as the little boy saw all the toys, he bolted. "Seems like one of us is glad to be here" smiled Hutch. Starsky, however, was focussed on another child in the room. A small boy, about the same age as Dylan, but much, much smaller. He had dark curly hair and piercing blue eyes. He reminded Starsky of Nicky when he was young. Dylan went over to play near him. Standing together they looked like a minature version of Starsky and Hutch, Dylan so blond the other child, so dark. Hutch notice it too. "Hey Starsk' will ya look at that. They could be us, a million years ago." "I..I know it Hutch" Starsky seemed to falter. The boy seemed very familiar to him. He looked around to see if he could the child's parent. Soon the teacher asked the adults to collect their children and come and sit with them, whilst she introduced herself. "Hello children. My name is Miss Roberts. I'm going to be your teacher. We are going to have lots of fun here, but first of all I need to let everyone know the rules.." Whilst she was talking Starsky was watching the other child. He was sitting with a lady in her late fifties. Hutch noticed "Starsky, don't ya think she's a bit old for you" he whispered. "I'm trying to figure out who she is Hutch. The kid seems really familiar, but I don't know her." "Maybe it's the nanny. Maybe the parents work." Hutch answered. "Mmm "pondered Starsky.

The teacher had finished her speech and was now asking every one to introduce themselves. She asked the children to let everyone know their name and then to introduce their grown up. It went round the circle. "I'm Sammy, I'm four, I want to be a princess. This is my mommy." "Hello Sammy" replied the teacher. "I'm Craig, I'm five," said the little boy seated next to Dylan, in a very proud voice, "This is my mom and she's a nurse" "Thankyou Craig" said the teacher. Dylan was shy and snuggled into Starsky, "Come on Champ" he urged, smiling. "My, my name is Dylan. This is Hutch and..." he looked at Starsky, "This is Hutch and my dad, they're cops" Starsky and Hutch both looked at each other. Both had tears in their eyes. The teacher, knowing the situation, smiled gently and nodded, "Thank you Dylan, it's nice to meet you." It went on round the circle. By now most of the children were fidgeting. There were about 16 children, in all. The little boy Starsky had been watching was last. He stood up, tall and proud. "My name is Michael" he said. "My mommy's at work, I don't have a daddy. This is Rose, she looks after me" "Thankyou Michael. I'm very pleased to have you all here in my class."

Starsky and Hutch stayed with Dylan for about an hour. They were the last "parents" to leave. Dylan had made friends with Michael and they were happily playing in the sand together.

"What ya wanna do now buddy?" asked Hutch, when they got outside. "Kinda hard leaving him, I guess?" "Sure is" replied Starsky, "Still he seems okay. Shame Ray's not there to enjoy it." continued Starsky, "And Venna, she would have been so proud!" pondered Starsky. Hutch nudged him, with his elbow, smiling he said, "Yeah, she probably would' a cried more than us!" As they were not back on duty, yet, and neither could face going home, they decided to go and see Huggy Bear. Hutch was thinking about Venna. Now that Starsky seemed to be doing better, he was able to think about himself. Minnie was right, he had loved her. He knew nothing was going to happen, after Kira, he and Starsky had learned their lesson in sharing women. It seldom worked and they both valued their friendship too much, to consider it again. Still, Hutch had loved Venna anyway, but kept it to himself. He remembered when he and Starsky had first met her. Her car had broken down. Hutch melted the minute he saw her. Twin boys hollering in the back seat, whilst this beautiful blonde lady, stood by her car, calmly watching steam billowing from the radiator. She could not fail to see Starsky's Torino, as it pulled up. Red with a white lightening stripe running along each side, over the hood and finishing in a point just rear of the front bumper. She told Starsky later that she had not been in the least bit frightened when they pulled up. She figured anyone driving a car that comical, couldn't be at all dangerous. It was Starsky she had been smitten with. From that first meeting. Just as Hutch fell for her instantly, she fell for Starsky the same way. She had to work at it though. After Terri, Starsky was not about to fall in love again. But she kept on after him and eventually their friendship turned into a deep love, one that even Hutch could not begin to compete with.

"Hey Blondie?" queried Starsky, "Where you at?" Starsky had been watching his partner, deep in thought. Starsky knew Hutch well enough to know that something was up. Hutch was a deep thinker. Not one to share his problems, unless prompted. "Oh, just thinking Starsk'" Hutch smiled at his friend. _Great Hutchinson. The minute you allow yourself to think about Venna, Starsky realises there's something up. _"What'cha thinkin' about Hutch?" Starsky asked. "Oh nothing much" said Hutch, trying to shrug Starsky off. "Aw come on Hutch. I know you. Something's up." Starsky replied. "Starsky do I have to share all my inner most thoughts with you? I told you there's nothing up! Get off my back, will ya!" Hutch responded angrily. He was tired. _Heck Starsky thinks he's always gonna be alone, well what about me buddy? What about me?_ Starsky was taken back by the anger in his partner's voice. He'd seen Hutch angry before. It was not pretty. Starsky did not know what he had done, but decided not to push it. "Okay buddy, what ever you say" he smiled.

They arrived, at Huggy's, a little over ten minutes later. Starsky felt as though he really needed that drink now. As they entered their compadre sauntered over to them. "What it is gents?" he grinned, "That's what I like to see, my two favourite detectives together, gracing this fine establishment!" Starsky shielded his eyes, mockingly, when looking at Huggy Bear. "My God Hug', what are you wearin'?" he asked. Huggy had on a bright orange turtle neck sweater and a lime green pair of golfing trousers. "This, my man, is the height of cool, and you know The Bear is one cool cat!" replied Huggy. "Huggy, those threads aren't cool!" Starsky smiled, "They're a bloody nightmare! What do you think Hutch?" Starsky asked, turning to his partner. "Ah, no, not cool Hug', not cool." Hutch replied, uninterested. Huggy shrugged and went to get the men a beer.

They stayed for a couple of hours. The whole time Hutch was quiet. Starsky was worried. _Maybe I've been selfish?_ He thought, to himself._ Hutch and Venna were friends. I haven't asked him how he feels." Hutch_ you wanna talk?" he asked. "About what, Starsky?" "Anything" "Anything...like what?" Hutch asked. "You wanna talk about Venna?" Hutch was surprised. _Did Starsky know? Had he suspected all along? _"What about Venna, Starsk'?" Hutch enquired. "Hutch I know you were friends. I never thought, you must miss her too." Hutch could see his friend was trying to offer comfort, without even understanding what was really wrong. "Starsky I'm fine. She was your lady. Remember?" he smiled, warmly. "I know Hutch, but she was part of both our lives. I can hardly remember a time when you weren't involved. I mean, even alone with Venna, I'd end up talking about you." he laughed. In a soft voice Hutch answered, "Maybe we spend too much time together Starsk'?" Now Starsky was really worried. "What are you sayin' Hutch?" he asked. "Nothing, I'm not saying nothing. Just maybe we should try and have a relationship that doesn't involve each other." Starsky grinned, unsure, "You tellin' me you don't wanna be friends no more?" he whined, in a put on baby voice. "Starsky be serious! All I'm saying is that, maybe separate lives, sometimes, wouldn't hurt. Listen Starsky school's nearly out, why don't you drop me back at my place and go collect your son? I'll see you in the morning." "You're not stayin' no more?" asked Starsky, hurt. "Starsky be reasonable. You said you wanted to do this. Now's your chance."

There was nothing more to say. They drove back to Hutch's apartment in silence. Hutch was sorry Starsky did not understand. He knew he was hurting him, but what could he say.

The next morning Starsky got Dylan off to school and decided to drive to Hutch's. He pulled up outside the Venice apartment and sat, thinking, in his car. _Hutch I'm not strong yet. I still need you buddy, but it feels like you need me more._ With a heavy heart he entered the building. Outside Hutch's apartment Starsky wasn't sure whether to knock or use the key, Hutch kept above the door. Usually he would let himself in, without a thought, but today... He knocked.

Inside Hutch had hardly slept. He had spent all of the last night crying over Venna and his relationship with Starsky. Somehow he felt that it was slipping away. For a month he had focussed on Starsky's needs, now, suddenly he couldn't stop thinking about his own. He heard the knock and guessed it would be his partner. "Come in Starsk'. It's open" he called. Starsky was shocked at the site of Hutch. "My God Hutch, what's wrong?" Hutch hadn't shaved, Starsky figured he hadn't slept. He was wearing the same clothes as yesterday and looked as though he had been crying all night. "Hutch, talk to me?" Hutch was tired. Tired of always putting other people's needs before his own. All his life he had been the considerate son, the responsible one. The only exception to that was when he became a police officer instead of the lawyer his father wanted him to be, but even Richard Hutchinson, eventually, could see that being a cop was the right choice for his son, and was proud of him. "Starsky, I can't buddy. Leave me alone." Starsky was tired. He's spent his whole life putting other people's needs before his own. When his father died and he was sent to Bay City to live with his Aunt and Uncle, he did it, without fuss. The only exception to that was with Hutch. For the past month he had put his own needs first and ignored Hutch's feelings completely. "Hutch?" he asked. He wanted to understand what was wrong. It seemed as though his friend was hurting too. "Starsky please. Just go" The look on Hutch's face tore at Starsky's heart. "Okay partner I'm going, but I aint giving up. Something's eating you and one way or another I'm gonna find out what it is."


	6. Chapter 6

Starsky drove home. His mother was cleaning, when he entered the house. "Hi Ma" he called wearily. Rachael, hearing the sorrow in her son's voice, stopped what she was doing and said "David, honey, what is it? You thinking about Venna again?" "Starsky smiled and nodded, "Things have sure got screwed up haven't they." He slumped onto the sofa, "Oh God Ma, ything feels like it's falling apart" "David, what's happened? You were doing so well yesterday. What's wrong?" "Hutch he..." Rachael was instantly concerned, "Has something happened to Hutch?" She couldn't bear it and she knew her son wouldn't either, especially not so soon after Venna. "No Ma, Hutch is fine. Well sorta fine" he replied. "What do you mean, sort of fine?" She asked, even more concerned. "I think I'm losing him Ma. It feels like he's slipping away. I thought our friendship would be forever. I thought Hutch felt the same way, now, I'm not so sure." "David Starsky whatever is happening between you and your friend you make sure you sort it out. You need him and Hutch needs you. You fix whatever is wrong. You hear me?" she demanded. "I hear you Ma, I just don't know how. Hell, I'm not ready for all this yet." Starsky put his head in his hands and cried. The thought of losing Hutch was hurting. Probably more than losing Venna. Hutch had promised him when Venna died that he wouldn't lose him. _Okay Hutch maybe not in death, but I'm losing you anyway_ thought Starsky.

When Starsky collected Dylan from school, it felt strange. Venna wasn't there and neither was Hutch. Starsky felt truly alone. The boy's teacher had said that he had settled in well. She was please, to report, that Dylan seemed to have made a special friend, in Michael. She thought maybe Dylan was using Michael as a substitute for Ray. She explained, to Starsky, that Dylan had not just lost his sibling, but a twin. They had a bond since before their birth. Starsky felt almost the same way. Losing Hutch was like losing his twin, but Starsky was pleased for Dylan.

On the ride home the little boy was full of tales about school. "...and Michael, he's my best friend. I saw his mommy today. Her name is Rose" "Dummy" said Starsky playfully, "that's not his mommy, that's the lady that looks after him." "No, no Starsky, she came too. His mommy has got long hair." "Oh" replied Starsky, "You like Michael huh?" "Sure. Hey Starsky." "Yes Dylan?" "Can Michael come to my house to play?" "Sure Dylan maybe we can invite him to your birthday." Starsky smiled. "Am I having a party?" "We'll see. I'll try." "Mommy used to have parties for me and Ray. We would..." the little boy stopped. Starsky looked at him. "You okay champ?" he asked. Dylan, with his head down said, "I'm really not going to see them no-more, am I?" "No Dylan. But hey, you still got me" Starsky said brightly. Dylan thought for a moment. "Starsky?" "Yes babe?" "Did Hutch die?" Starsky was taken back. "No Hutch didn't die. Whyd'you say that?" he stammered. "How come we don't see him no-more?" asked the child. "Dylan Hutch is just busy. We'll see him soon. We'll invite him to your birthday too, huh?" "Great!" said Dylan, happy to have been reassured.

On arrival at the house Starsky's heart leapt when he saw Captain Dobey's car in the drive. He immediately thought of Hutch. His face paled. "Come on Dylan." he hurried the little boy out of the car. Opening the door he was relieved to hear his mother and captain laughing. "Hey Cap'n." "Starsky" answered his superior. "Your mother here is a fine woman." Starsky noticed that Edith Dobey and Cal and Rosie were there too. "Hello Edith, kids. Captain is this a social call?" "Starsky are you going to introduce us to this fine young fellow.?" Starsky had almost forgotten Dylan who was clinging to Starsky's leg, unsure as to who all these people were. "Oh yeah right. Sorry" Starsky picked Dylan up. Captain, everyone, I'd like you to meet Dylan" Starsky grinned "My son" "Hello Dylan" said Edith gently. "Dylan why don't you take Cal and Rosie up to your room. I'm sure they'd love to see your toys?" prompted Starsky. "Okay Starsky" smiled Dylan. The children went upstairs. "Okay Cap'n what's going on?" Starky asked. "Nothing is going on. Your mother called and said that your boy has a birthday coming up and you haven't got anything organised yet." "Cap'n I..." Edith interrupted "Dave no-one could have expected you to, but maybe I can help. Rosie is almost the same age as Dylan. She has friends we can invite. Has Dylan got any friends?" "Ah yeah, he's got one special friend, Michael. Actually we were just talking about his birthday and he said he want to invite Michael." "All right then. Dave we'll book Chucky Cheeses. Rosie had her party there last year and she loved it. I'll take care of the booking. Talk to his teacher, she may know more of his friends. I'll get some invitations. When is it?" Starsky thought for a moment. "Umm next Tuesday" "Okay, we'll get the booking arranged. The invitations can be given out next week and we'll arrange the party for Saturday. How does that sound?" she smiled. "Edith, you're a life saver. I'd never have got all that sorted. I wouldn't know where to start." "Starsky" said his Captain, "Don't beat yourself up over it. Most of us get at everleast nine months to get used to the idea, you've been thrown in the deep in" "Sure have Cap'n" replied Starsky.

The children were very all having a great time at the party. Dylan and Ray were chasing each other up and down the slides and throwing balls at each other, in the ball pond. Starsky kept looking towards the door. Captain Dobey noticed. "Starsky, he'll show, give him time. It's early yet, party's hardly started." "What if he doesn't Cap'n? I can't figure it out. It's like... It's like when I lost Venna, I lost Hutch too. Why?" Starsky questioned. "Nothing's happened. We were fine. Hutch has always been there for me. Maybe that's it. Maybe I've always expected too much from him. Maybe he's tired of me." Starsky slumped. Edith, overhearing the conversation interrupted, "That will never happen David. Hutch is your friend." "Yeah well friends don't abandon friends when they need them most" Starsky said, hurt.

Finally Hutch did arrive. He walked sheepishly over to where his friends were sitting. He looked awful. Starsky was beginning to think that there was something seriously wrong with him. _Maybe Hutch is ill? Maybe I'm being selfish_ he thought. He smiled as Hutch approached. "Hey buddy, glad you came. You wanna drink or somethin'?" Starsky asked, trying to look cheerful. The atmosphere was strained. Hutch was beat, quietly he answered "Ah, hey Starsk' no, I'm not staying. I just came to give this to Dylan" he pulled out a small packet, gift wrapped from his jacket pocket, "Will ya give it to him, for me?" Hutch asked. "I can get him Hutch. You should give it to him" Starsky answered. "No, I...I have to go..." he started to walk away. "Hutch?" Starsky called. Hutch looked back at Starsky, he looked sorry and then he left. Starsky was about to go after him but their Captain stopped him, "Let him go son." he said, holding Starsky's arm. "Captain you don't understand..." Starsky's eyes filled with tears, "Did you see him?" "Dave, he'll be back. When he's ready. He came here didn't he?" reasoned Captain Dobey. "I can't just let him go like that. Something's wrong. I've gotta go after him." Starsky got up, "Edith, watch the kids can you?" he asked. "Go, go see your friend" she replied.

Starsky ran outside. Hutch had already gone. Starsky could see his car. _Oh Hutch. What is it? What's wrong?_ He slowly went back inside. Starsky remained solemn throughout the party. He was desperately missing Venna and he had no-one to share it with. He was worried about Hutch and he couldn't tell what pained him more. Truthfully it was probably Hutch. He had known Venna eight months. He had a ten year relationship invested in Hutch.

When the party ended parents came to collect their children. Edith knew most of them. Each child was given a piece of birthday cake, a voucher for a free pizza, a balloon and a small toy. Michael was the last one left. Captain Dobey, Edith, and Rosie had already gone home. Huggy, who had popped in with a book for Dylan had left with a hot looking waitress, who happened to be getting off duty and Dylan was getting tired and wanted to go home. Starsky decided to let his mother take Dylan home, in a cab and he would wait with Michael. After they had left he treated the little boy to an icecream whilst he sat and had a coke. "So Michael, you say your mom is collecting you, right?" "Yeah, she don't work on Saturdays, but her car's been acting up. Probably why she's late. Mr Starsky, how come Dylan don't have a mommy?" "Well maybe the same reason you don't have a daddy" smiled Starsky. "My mommy said that my daddy left. Did Dylan's mommy leave?" asked the little boy. "Kinda. Hey why don't we go and see if we can see your mom's car from the window, huh?" suggested Starsky. As they were about to get up Michael's mom came rushing into the restaurant. She stopped dead and gasped when she saw Starsky. "David..." "Rosie...Rosie Malone" stammered Starsky. "What are you...what are you doin' here?" he asked. Michael looked from one adult to the other, "Mom, can we go now?" he asked. Neither acknowledged him. "David I..." on hearing Michael, "David I have to go now. I'm sorry I was late collecting him. Thankyou." she took her sons hand and went to leave, "That's it?" asked Starsky, "no explanation, nothing?" "What do you want me to say David? It's too late for us. You've obviously moved on. You have a little boy." she challenged. "I...I never stopped loving you Rosie. I never stopped thinking about you." "David, don't" she said. "Don't what? Rosie you walk in here after nearly 6 years and you say don't. God damn it Rosie, I love you" "David I can't deal with this right now" she pleaded. "You can't deal with this right now! Lady the past month I've been through hell, you've no idea..." he was raising his voice and Michael became frightened. "Mommy?" he looked up to his mother. "It's okay Mikey. David and I just need to talk. Tell you what honey, go play." Michael looked at her, "Go on it's okay. Everything's fine" Michael reluctantly went to play.

"David why don't we sit down?"

They sat, in silence, for what seemed like an eternity. Rosie looking at her son play, avoiding Starsky's gaze. Starsky couldn't stop staring at her, but was afraid to say anything. Presently, she laughed, uncomfortably. "So David, how have you been?" It was strained. Starsky didn't know how truthful he should be. His heart was so vulnerable right now. He was scared that if he began to talk he'd never stop. He really didn't have anyone to share with how he was feeling. He was exhausted, hurt, angry, lonely and needy. He missed Venna, the life they could have had. He was confused about Rosie. What now? He missed Hutch. More than anything he missed Hutch and he was scared about what was happening.

He smiled at her, gently, lovingly. "I'm okay, I guess" "You don't look it David." She responded, sympathetically. "I heard about the shooting. How are you?" "I'm fine now." he said, closing his eyes remembering the day when Gunther had him gunned down. "How'd you find out?" he asked. "David it was all over the newspapers." she smiled. "I...I thought you were in Mexico, with your father." He stammered. "My father died three months after we got out there. Heart attack! I tried to stay, but in the end I returned to New York." "Is that where you met Michael's father?" Starsky asked. Rosie nodded, "Yes. His father is from New York. Are you really okay, David? You look tired" She looked at Starsky's face. There were a few more lines and he'd put on a little weight, since she had last seen him, but he was still a very handsome man. _Still got eyes that can melt my heart_ she thought to herself. "It's been a hellava month" he grinned at her. "Listen Rosie, I think I'd like to see you, talk to you, but not here, not now. Can we meet up? I really need to, there's a lot to say." He begged. "I'm not sure David. What do we say to each other, after all these years? You want me to say sorry? You want me to say I made a mistake? You want to hear that I never stopped loving you? I can tell you that here." " Is that what you're saying then?" Starsky looked at her. "What?" she asked. "That you still love me." Starsky responded. "Of course I still love you. You'll always be part of me." she looked down. Quietly she said "And I'll always have part of you" Starsky barely heard. "What are you telling me Rosie?" but he already knew. Michael. Michael was his son. He should have guessed before. The age, the looks. He looked across at the little boy. "Michael?" he asked her. "Yes David" she nodded. "Michael is your son" "David, I'm sorry" she looked guilty. "Rosie don't..." he was too tired to be angry with her. Starsky was confused and elated. He had a son. "I understand it's okay" he soothed. She looked at him, confused, "But you should hate me" she said. "How can I hate you. Rosie you did what you had to do. Does he know?" "No" "So what happens now?" "David you have a child and probably a wife somewhere, nothing can happen now" Starsky knew he had to explain about Venna and Dylan. "Rosie, I'm not married. Dylan is not my son. He was my fiancée's child. She died. I'm hoping to raise him. I'm hoping he will be mine, someday." "Oh David, I'm so sorry, when?" "Recently. I'm doing fine. Really I am. Dylan's all I care about right now." "I suppose Hutch is helping?" she asked. "Ah, Hutch has been great" he replied but didn't sound convincing and Rosie noticed, but decided to say nothing. "Look David I'll call you. I've really got to go. Michael is getting tired." "Rosie, I really want to get to know him. I'm not going to disrupt your world. He's your son and one hell of a kid. I'm not going to upset him. He doesn't even have to know who I am, I just want the chance to know him. Will you give me that chance?" "David I'll call. I promise." With that, she took Michael and left. Starsky sat wondering what would happen now. _I wish I could call Hutch_ he thought and sighed, because he knew he couldn't.


	7. Chapter 7

Starsky walked slowly back to his car._ Forgive me Venna._ He felt disloyal._ Is it so wrong that I should have these feelings for Rosie, so soon after Venna's death? Was it fate that had brought us together? If Venna had lived, would I still have met Rosie, then what?_ Starsky did not even want to begin to work it out. _One hell of a month_ he thought and drove home.

On Monday the children, at school, were all talking about Dylan's party. He was now a very popular member of the class and seemed to be fine. Starsky felt he could relax a little with regards to him. He'd convinced his mother to return to New York and she had taken a flight out on Sunday morning. Dylan was sorry to see his grandma leave but she promised she would visit again at Christmas, and Dylan was thrilled. Starsky had not mentioned Michael or Rosie. Hutch had said they should have a relationship with someone else that didn't involve each other so that was what Starsky was doing. In many ways the last month had been good for him. Maybe Hutch was right, maybe they both needed to think about their own lives and not each other all the time. After school Starsky was happy to see Rosie collecting Michael. "Hi" he smiled. "Hi yourself" "How are you?" "I'm fine. Listen you wanna come over? Michael and Dylan can play and we could talk or not talk, which ever you prefer" she asked. Starsky immediately accepted and told her he would follow her in his car. She laughed when she saw he still had the Torino. "What's so funny?" he smiled. "I bet Hutch loves that you're still driving him round in that striped tomato" she laughed. "Hey, this car is a classic, she's a fine old lady now, and still gets me from A to B, just about as fast as I need to"

They pulled up outside a beautiful house in one of the more affluent areas of Bay City. Both Dylan and Michael had ridden in Starsky's "striped tomato" and Starsky loved hearing two rowdy boys in the back seat. It was like having Dylan and Ray back and, for a moment, his thoughts were filled with Venna once more.

Both boys charged upstairs to Michael's bedroom, as soon as they entered the house. Rosie went into the kitchen to get Starsky and herself a drink. The house was beautifully furnished. Frank Malone had obviously set his daughter up very well, financially, when he died. But Rosie had still managed to make it look like a warm and inviting home. There were big sofas with huge cushions. Photographs of Rosie and Michael adorned the walls. Starsky was busy inspecting baby photographs of Michael when Rosie returned with their drinks. "He's gorgeous isn't he?" she smiled proudly, when she saw Starsky looking at the pictures. "I missed so much." he sighed. "You could have just come home. I would have had you back, you know?" he said. "Don't you think I wanted to. David you're a cop. I didn't want to be married to a cop. I didn't want my son to get to know his father, only to maybe lose him one day. I nearly did come back. After you were shot. I was so frightened for you, but I figured you had Hutch. What could I offer you and what if you had died? Then what? So I stayed away and made a life for myself and my son" "Our son" corrected Starsky.

The afternoon was spent catching up on old times. Venna told Starsky that she was still busy selling Mexican and Indian crafts, only her shop was much bigger now. She was proud that she was working. She told him all about Rose, the nanny, and how wonderful she was with Michael. She talked about her father, how much she missed him and how sorry she was that he never met Michael. Starsky talked to her about Venna and Ray. What the last month had been like but that Dylan had pulled him through. He didn't mention Hutch and Rosie was beginning to think maybe something had happened to him. "How's Hutch?" she asked. The question completely threw Starsky and he didn't know how to respond. "David? How's Hutch?" she asked again, thinking that maybe he had not heard her, the first time. "I..I don't know. I don't really see Hutch much anymore." "What happened?" she asked gently. "It's complicated. I'm not even sure myself. He's got some things he needs to deal with" he answered "and you're not helping him?" she challenged. "I..He wants to be alone." he said sadly. "David, no-one wants to be alone. Talk to him. You need him. Hell he needs you." Starsky smiled "you sound like my mother. That's what she said" "Sounds like you have a smart mother! David go and see him. I'll keep Dylan here. He's fine. Take as long as you need. He can stay tonight, if it will help." she offered. "What about us?" he asked. "David let's take it slow. You are hurting right now. Your emotions...let's not jump into something too quick." "I think I remember you saying something like that last time, slow down. Didn't work then either." he smiled. He got up and kissed her. She did not refuse. It felt so good. So right. Almost as though the had never been apart. Starsky felt lust rising in him. He pulled back. "David?" Rosie looked confused, but not sorry. "I'll go see Hutch" he said "hold that thought" and he was gone.

"Come on Hutch, open the door!" Starsky shouted, as he banged on Hutch's door. "Hutch I know you're in there. Open up!" Inside Hutch was sitting on the sofa, trying desperately to ignore Starsky's voice. "Hutch. Hutch I aint leaving 'till we talk! You may as well open the door!" He continued to bang on the door. Inside Hutch got up. He dragged himself over to the front door and leaned heavily on it._ Please buddy just go. He_ thought _I don't want to have to face you right now._ "Hutch, open up, come on" Starsky was persistent. Hutch sighed and, reluctantly, opened the door. He walked back inside and sat down, ignoring Starsky as he entered. Starsky looked at his friend. In the days that he had not seen him, Hutch had lost weight. Hutch looked ill. "Okay partner, what's going on?" _No beating around the bush Starsky, go straight for the jugular._ Hutch looked up at his partner. He wanted to cry. He was so tired. He didn't understand what was happening to them. They'd loved the same woman before, came to blows over it, but managed to sort it out. This time it was different though. Venna was dead and Starsky didn't know how Hutch felt about her. _Maybe I should just come clean. If I'm gonna lose him, I may as well tell the truth._ thought Hutch. "Starsky, we need to talk." Hutch began. "You're telling me!" replied Starsky. "Starsky will you just listen please." Starsky half did not want to know what was wrong. He was afraid Hutch was really ill. He wasn't sure he was ready to deal with that yet. "Okay Hutch. What ya wanna say?" Starsky sat on the coffee table, opposite from Hutch. "I loved her too Starsk." Hutch said and looked straight at his partner, "I loved her too." Starsky wasn't sure at first what Hutch meant, then it dawned on him, "Venna?" he queried. Hutch just nodded. "Did, did the two of you, did you...?" "Starsky nothing happened. She didn't even know. I know how she felt about you, but God Starsky I loved her. The minute I saw her, that first day, I loved her but she only had eyes for you buddy and you were so right together. I knew I didn't have a chance." Hutch put his head in his hands. Starsky sat, thinking. His partner had loved Venna too. Why hadn't he seen it? "Hutch" he called. Hutch looked up, "Why didn't you tell me?" "What was the point Starsk'? Besides when was I going to tell you, before you were married, on your wedding day? When?" "You could'a' told me after she died. I would have understood." Starsky answered. "Would you Starsk'? Would you really have? Think about it. I'm supposed to be your best friend." "Hutch you ARE my best friend. It's okay. It doesn't matter. You say nothing happened. I believe you. She was easy to love" Starsky sighed. "Starsky I'm sorry" "Hutch you don't have to be sorry. Just stop beating yourself up over this. Venna has gone. She aint coming back. I miss her. I still love her, but hey you miss her too. We can miss her together, partner." Starsky walked over to Hutch and sat beside him. "Me and Thee remember buddy. Whatever else happens, it'll always be me and thee." Starsky grinned and Hutch smiled. "Go on you big blond beauty, go get yourself a shower, I got a kid to pick up and you and me can have a pizza night. What d'ya say?" "Sure Starsk' whatever you say buddy." Hutch went to the bathroom, before he went in, he turned to Starsky, "You okay Starsk'?" he asked. "Me yeah, I'm fine, go, go have your shower. I can't take you home like that, you'll frighten Dylan." Starsky deliberately didn't tell Hutch about Rosie or Michael. He wanted to heal their friendship first and see where his relationship with Rosie was going, before Hutch had to know.

In the car Starsky told Hutch that Dylan was at a friend's house and they'd have to collect him from there. They drove to Rosie's home. "Ah you wait in the car Hutch. I won't be long" Starsky said, as they pulled up outside. He went to get Dylan. Luckily for Starsky Michael answered the door. Starsky still couldn't believe that this precious child was his. He was so tempted to just swoop him up into his arms and hold him. "Hey Michael, Dylan 'bout ready to come home now?" "Oh Hi, Mr Starsky. Come in, mommy's in the kitchen" Starsky followed the boy into the house. Rosie was surprised but pleased to see him standing in her Kitchen. "David! How did you get in?" she asked. "Ah Michael let me in" he replied. "That boy. He knows he's not meant to answer the door. I'm sorry I guess I didn't hear the bell." "S'okay. How's things?" "Good David. I'm good. Have you come for Dylan?" "Ah yeah, Hutch is in the car, we're gonna have a pizza night." he explained. "Oh, okay. How's Hutch?" she asked, concerned. " I think we're both gonna be okay." he smiled. "We've been through worse." She smiled too, "Does he know about us?" she asked. "Us? Is there an us?" asked Starsky, hopeful. "I want there to be. I think Michael needs to know his father." Starsky was ecstatic, he picked her up and swung her around. "David!" she squealed. Dylan and Michael came running in, to see what all the noise was about. They looked at their parents and then at each other, "Grown ups sure are funny sometimes" said Dylan and gave Michael a puzzled look. Noticing the children were now in the kitchen Starsky stopped spinning and put Rosie down. "Hey champ, you coming home? I got a surprise for you." "A surprise!" exclaimed Dylan. "Yep and it's waiting in the car, come on." He kissed Rosie and both boys groaned. Starsky tickled them both, "Hey when you're big you won't be saying yuk!" he laughed.

"Pizza Night" turned out to be everything they needed. Starsky and Hutch spent the whole evening, sharing memories of Venna. Rosie was not mentioned and , although in his heart, Starsky knew it felt right, his head was telling him it was too soon. He longed to share it with Hutch, get his opinion, his support and advice, but he was determined that this relationship, if it became a relationship, he was going to keep to himself.

"Hutch" he called, to his, by now, partially drunk partner. "Yeah buddy" Hutch slurred. "You're my best pal, you know that don't you?" "Sure Starsk'" Hutch replied nodding. "Hutch?" Hutch sighed, "Yeah Starsk'?" "I think you were right.." continued Starsky. "'bout what?" Hutch was too drunk to really listen. "'bout me relying on you too much." Starsky looked at his friend. Hutch was thinner and looked ragged. The last month had taken it's toll on both men. "I aint gonna do it no-more Hutch. It's not fair. You give so much. I think I burned you out!" Starsky said regretfully. "Hey buddy" Hutch smiled, a sleepy smile "That's what friends are for." "I know it but I'm gonna try harder to get through this alone. Okay?" Starsky was insistent. "Starsky, I told you, when Venna died, you'd never be alone. I meant it! I'm sorry for the past few days. I was hurting too, you know? I miss her and I couldn't share that with you, couldn't face you. The guilt..." Hutch stopped and thought for a while. With a sigh he continued, "The pain you were in. I couldn't handle it." he explained. "And now?" asked Starsky. Hutch looked at him, puzzled, "And now what?" he asked. "Can you handle it now Hutch? You had me real scared. Hell I thought you were dyin' or somethin'" Starsky laughed, uncomfortably. "Oh Starsk'..." Hutch was full of regret, "We'll do what we always do buddy, we'll be there for each other. Who else we gonna trust right?" "Same as we always do Hutch" responded Starsky jerking his thumb firstly to Hutch and then to himself and grinned.

That night Hutch spent the night on the sofa, in the den. Too tired, and too drunk, to drive home.

Next morning Starsky was up early, preparing breakfast for Dylan, when Hutch woke. He was making pancakes and had already gotten, the sleepy little boy, out of bed and dressed him. Hutch looked around, not quite realising where he was, at first. His head felt like someone was sawing it in two. His mouth felt like the bottom of a camel's foot and he was a mess. Yawning and stretching he slumped off the sofa and dragged himself to the kitchen, where he could hear Starsky and Dylan. As he walked in he was reminded of the morning after Venna's death, only it had been he cooking pancakes and Starsky that had slept in. "Morning buddy" he smiled as he walked in. "Morning partner. Hey, you feel as bad as you look?" grinned Starsky. "Worse" laughed Hutch. "Heya buddy" he smiled at Dylan. "How you doin'?" he asked. "I'm okay Hutch. Starsky's making pancakes, you want some?" asked the little boy. "Sure Dylan, how 'bout I go get cleaned up first huh?" "You sure do look terrible Hutch" said Dylan and both Starsky and Hutch laughed. "I think..." began Starsky "Ah Starsk'" interrupted Hutch. "huh?" quizzed Starsky. "Starsk' I think I'm about ready to go back to work, what do you think? Gonna join me. Partner?" "I think maybe that's a great idea Hutch. I've kinda got day care sorted. You remember Dylan's friend Michael?" "Yeah Starsk'" "Well he has a nanny and she said she'd be happy to take Dylan from school and keep him till I get home. I gotta talk to Dobey about getting me off nights. I gotta be here for Dylan, but I think it's workable." Starsky had already thought about returning to work and was going to speak to Hutch that day anyway. He was also thinking that, if he had to collect Dylan from Rosie's home, every evening, it meant he would be able to see her everyday, without Hutch having to know.

After breakfast both detectives and Dylan got in the car, for the journey to school. Starsky was going to drop Dylan at school, Hutch at the station and then go and visit Rose, to finalise the child care arrangements. As it was he managed to bump into Rose, at the school and everything was organized before he had even taken Hutch to the precinct. "Let's go up together, eh partner?" asked Hutch smiling. Starsky nodded and grinned. Life_ is getting back to normal._ he thought and was thankful that he had Hutch back.

Parking the Torino out front, Starsky had felt funny about using the police parking lot, since the Gunther shooting, both men bounded up the steps to the station.

Captain Dobey was thrilled that Starsky and Hutch wanted to return to work. However you would never have guessed it. "And about time!" was all he said, when they told him, but he was smiling as they left his office.

There was a mountain of paper work, sitting waiting for their attention but neither officer fancied the thought of tackling it. "Let's hit the streets, Starsk'" suggested Hutch and Starsky found he could not wait. They cruised their beat in Starsky's car, highly visible, so that every punk, in every alley and every hooker, on every corner, would know they were back. Hutch could not believe how well he and Starsky had taken to the street again. It had been several weeks since either man had done any police work. He kept looking across, at his partner, wondering if Starsky felt the same way. As if sensing, that Hutch was questioning him, Starsky said, "Yeah buddy, in case you ask, it feels good to be back!" They smiled to each other.


	8. Chapter 8

Their thoughts were interrupted by the radio, "Zeebra three, zeebra three, reports of a disturbance in a warehouse on fifth and eleven." Hutch picked up the mike, "Roger, zeebra three, we are responding" and to Starsky, "well partner, here we go!" Hutch slammed the mars light onto the roof and Starsky gunned the Torino. They made it to the warehouse in a little over two minutes. Both detective exited the torino cautiously. Immediately they heard a shot, coming from the direction of a stack of pallets. They both ran in that direction, guns drawn, using the side of the building as cover. Starsky ducked as a shot was fired and it harmlessly hit the wall behind him. He was on his stomach as another shot was fired in his direction, "What the..." he mumbled, angrily. Hutch signalled that he was going to try and get around the rear of the pallets. Starsky nodded in acknowledgment. Stealthily Hutch rounded the stack, the perp' was just about to aim another shot at Starsky, when he felt Hutch's magnum in his left temple. "Okay scum" gritted Hutch, menacingly "drop it, or I'll blow your head off!" The perp immediately dropped his weapon. Hutch quickly put the cuffs on him. At Hutch's signal, that he was all clear, Starsky jumped up to meet them. As he did he was immediately floored by a bullet hitting him in his left calf. Hutch heard the shot and gasped as he saw Starsky go down. He wanted to run to his partner, but his cop instincts told him to stay put. "You!" he shouted at his prisoner, "Where?" "Over there, in the warehouse man. Who'd' you think I was shooting at? Damn cops, would'a'had him if you hadn't come along." he snarled. Hutch watched in horror as another bullet hit Starsky, this time in the thigh. "Oh my god Starsk'" _He's a sitting duck out there, Hutchinson do something._ Hutch started shooting in the direction of where the shots came from. As he was firing he was making his way towards Starsky. After the first shot Starsky was able to still crawl towards Hutch but now he was deathly still. _Please be okay buddy, hang on Starsk' I'm nearly with you._

Hutch was frantic_ I can't lose him, I can't I've only just got you back Starsk'_ He had to find a way of getting to his fallen partner. Cautiously he peered around the pallets. Nothing. It seems the gunman had either left or just had not seen him. _The car._ Hutch sprinted towards the torino. Just as he made it another shot was fired, only this time at him. _He hasn't left then_ Hutch thought glumly. _I'm coming buddy, just hold on, hold on. _He got into the car, thankful that Starsky had not had time to remove the keys from the ignition, when they arrived. Keeping his head low he steered the car towards Starsky. More shots. The gunman, obviously realising what Hutch was attempting to do, was firing at Starsky. Hutch could not tell if he had been hit again, or not. He positioned the car between the gunman and Starsky. Not even stopping to check him, Hutch picked Starsky up and put him into the front seat. Sliding in, so his friend's head was in his lap, he floored the accelerator. Picking up the radio mike he shouted "Zeebra three, officer down, officer down. Hey I need some help out here!" Through the radio, "Zeebra three, what is your location?" "I'm travelling North on Eleven, I'm enroute to county hospital. Check out the warehouse location fifth and eleven. Use caution, there's a sniper out there. One guy already handcuffed, send black and whites, with back up." "Ten four, zeebra three. You want us to send an ambulance?" "No, no I'm almost there." _Starsky hang on, please god, just hang on. _Hutch looked down at his partner, trying ascertain the damage. Starsky's faded Levi's were now deep red, soaked with blood. His shirt was also red indicating that he had been shot somewhere in the chest area. His head was grazed, where he had fallen. He was deathly white. His lips slightly blue. Hutch could see that he was breathing, but it was shallow and rapid, as thought Starsky knew he had to make himself breath. And he was cold, very cold, although he was covered in sweat. Whilst driving Hutch ran his fingers through Starsky's sweat soaked curls, "We're almost there Starsky, hold on, just hold on for me" Hutch could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks. The memories of the Gunther shooting, still fresh in his mind. He wondered how much Starsky's body could take. He barely made it last time and he was younger, fitter, stronger then.


	9. Chapter 9

Arriving at the hospital, there was a team waiting for them. Central had obviously called it in and the hospital were expecting them. Starsky was put on a gurney and wheeled straight into theatre. Hutch gave as much information as he could. He knew the drill, they both did. How many times had they been in this situation? How many more before their luck ran out? _Luck's holding today, Starsk'._

All Hutch could do now was sit and wait. Twenty minutes slowly ticked by. Hutch could see Captain Dobey and Huggy Bear rushing towards him. "Hutch?" Huggy said "What happened?" Hutch sat shaking his head. Captain Dobey put a hand on his shoulder, "Hutchinson, any word on Starsky?" he asked, gently. "Nothing" Hutch replied. "Captain, I... It was just a routine call. I should' a ' ... I wasn't covering him they way I should. I thought we were clear. I gave Starsky the all clear." Hutch looked lost and shook his head again. "It's okay son. Starsky's strong." reassured Captain Dobey. "He's been through too much Captain. He's not strong. Not this time..." Hutch disagreed. Huggy and Captain Dobey sat with Hutch. Nothing was said, apart from the odd, "do you want a coffee? why don't you go wash up?" Nobody wanted to move afraid what might happen when they were gone.

Soon a doctor was walking towards them. He was still wearing a theatre gown and mask, although the mask had been pulled down, under his chin. "Are you here for Detective Starsky?" he asked the group. Hutch stood, "I'm his partner." his eyes were searching, looking into the face of the surgeon, pleading for good news. "Well, your friend has been incredibly lucky. He was shot four times. Did you know that?" All three shook their heads in disbelief. "Doc, how's Starsky?" asked Huggy Bear. "As I said, your friend has been incredibly lucky. He was shot once in the left calf, luckily that was just a graze. Once in the left thigh, it missed a vital artery and passed straight through, although it's going to be quite painful for some time. One bullet hit him in the left shoulder. Very close to where I understand he had been shot once before" Hutch closed his eyes thinking of the time in the restaurant, when Starsky had taken two bullets, trying to save a waitress. "The forth bullet..." the doctor continued, "caused us some concern. It caught him in the chest. Entry was just below the diaphragm, because of the angle, it passed through his diaphragm, ripping it and passing out just behind his heart. Any other angle and your friend would have been dead. As I said he has been incredibly lucky The surgeon smiled. Hutch was sick of hearing how lucky Starsky had been and exploded, "If he was so godamned lucky, he wouldn't have been shot in the first place!" "Hey take it easy man" soothed Huggy. Captain Dobey thanked the surgeon, who quickly began to exit. "Ah doc'" Hutch called after him, "Can I see him?" "He's in recovery, we'll be sending him up to a ward in about half an hour. You can see him then" As he turned to leave he heard Hutch say "Thank you"

It felt like forever, before Hutch was able to go and see Starsky. Captain Dobey and Huggy Bear said they would wait outside. When Hutch entered the room, he was relieved to see that Starsky was breathing on his own, with no need for any equipment. In fact all that there was, was a drip, going into his left arm. Starsky was asleep. Hutch quietly went and sat on the chair next to the bed. Starsky stirred, just as Hutch was sitting down. "Hey buddy" Hutch whispered. Starsky's eyes turned towards his partner. "H..Hutch?" he murmured. "Yeah Starsk' it's me. How ya doin'? You know you had me scared for a while there." "I...I was scared...too." Starsky managed to stammer. "I...thought I was...a dead man" he sighed "for sure" "Shshhhh, buddy it's okay now. The doc' says your gonna be fine. A little sore, but fine." Hutch tried to reassure Starsky. He gripped Starsky's hand and smiled. "H...H.." Starsky was trying to ask something. "What buddy, what?" Hutch leaned his ear down to Starsky's face, "What do you need?" Starsky managed to whisper "Dylan" "Okay Starsk', don't worry about Dylan. I'll get Dobey to sort it out." Hutch assured him. "Hutch...Dylan is...Dylan is with Rosie" Starsky hoped Hutch would understand. But why would he? "Sure Starsk', with Michael. We can get the address from the school. I'll collect him. Dobey and Huggy can stay here, with you and I'll be right back." He explained, but Starsky had more to say, "Hutch...you gotta...you gotta listen. Dylan is with Rosie. Rosie Malone. Michael is..." Starsky was struggling. He had not wanted Hutch to find out this way, but he had no choice. His priority was Dylan. He had to ensure the little boy was all right. "Hutch Michael is..." Hutch searched Starsky's face. Unsure what his friend was trying to tell him. Tears were welling in Starsky's eyes and Hutch knew his partner was hurting. Starsky was desperately trying to tell him something. Then it dawned on him. "Your son?" asked Hutch. Starsky nodded and the tears began to fall. "Okay, partner. Don't worry. I'll go get Dylan. Okay?" "'kay Hutch" Starsky managed to say, with a small smile before falling back to sleep.

Hutch sat stunned. _How long have you know partner? Did Venna Know? Were you going to tell me? What does this mean now Starsky? _Hutch went to collect Dylan.

On arrival at The Malone house Hutch hesitated before exiting the car. _What if Frank Malone is there? What do I do then?_ Frank Malone had disappeared from their lives more than five years ago. Before he could testify. He had taken his daughter with him and broken Starsky's heart. Slowly, heart full of worry, Hutch made his way to the front door. He rang the doorbell and waited. A grey haired woman, who Hutch recognised to be the nanny, answered the door. Hutch showed his badge and introduced himself. "I'm Detective Hutchinson, I'm here to collect Dylan, for my partner." "If you could wait here please" she said, "I'll go and get Ms Malone" Hutch nodded, trying to appear calmer than he actually felt. Presently Rosie came to the door. She smiled when she saw Hutch. She had not really had a chance to get to know him before, she and Starsky always remained very separate, from his police work, but she knew how much he meant to him. "Hello Ken." "I...I.." Hutch didn't know where to start. He decided to play it like a cop. "Ah, Ms Malone..." he began, she interrupted "Please call me Rosie" she asked. "Ah...Rosie" he smiled, "Stars'...David has been injured, he's in the hospital." "Oh my God!" her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, come in, come in." she instructed. They made their way to the lounge. "What happened, is he all right?" she asked terrified. "He's going to be fine. He was shot." Hutch did not tell her how many times. "He's resting now. The doctors said he'll be sore but he'll be fine" Hutch felt the relief, when he was telling Rosie. "He wanted me to collect Dylan" "Does he want Dylan to visit him?" she asked. "No, he'll be out in a few days. He doesn't want Dylan frightened. I'm going to take him home." "Ken, why don't I keep Dylan here? He can play with Michael. It can be a sleep over. I'd like them to get to know each other more and I can get to know Dylan a bit more." she explained. "Why would you want to do that?" _What's your motive? What are you up to?_ He remembered how Starsky had been hurt before. He would do all he could to protect his partner this time. "Rosie, what's going on?" he asked, suspiciously. "Ken, Dave and I, well...I love him" "Does he love you?" Rosie looked at Hutch. Hutch asked again, "Does he? Does he love you?" "I'm not sure. It's early days. We've only just discovered each other again." "Rosie do you know what Starsky has been through? Do you know how he was when you left?" "If you're talking about Venna, I know. David told me. He told me about Dylan. Hutch we can be a family. It's what David wants." she tried to explain, but all Hutch could see was a woman who had hurt his friend before and one who, was trying to manipulate him now. "I wont let you hurt him again Rosie!" "Ken please, I don't want to hurt him. I love him. I never stopped loving him." she was crying now. Unsure about why this man should be verbally attacking her like this. He would not understand. She decided to tell him about Michael. "Hutch" she said, gently, "Michael is David's son" "I know Rosie, at least I know that's what you've told him. Something you have to understand about Starsky and me is, we don't keep secrets from each other." "Hutch, did David tell you about me? I mean BEFORE he was shot, did he tell you about me and Michael?" Hutch shook his head. _What's happening buddy? What's going on here? _


	10. Chapter 10

There was nothing more to say. Hutch agreed to let Dylan remain with Rosie. He had been and seen the child. Told him that Starsky was injured but fine and resting. He did not want to lie to the child, but felt that withholding some information would protect him. He barely acknowledged Michael. The little boy was supposed to be Starsky's flesh and blood and yet Hutch felt closer to Dylan. _Or is it that your Venn's son?_ Hutch thought as he hugged the child goodbye. He returned to the hospital.

On arrival, he was surprised, but pleased to see his friend sitting up in bed. "Hutch!" His eyes lit up at the site of his partner. "Hey Starsk'. How ya doin' buddy?" Hutch approached the bed and sat down. Starsky reached out for Hutch's hand. "I'm okay, I guess. Did you get Dylan?" "Ah no, Rosie's gonna keep him. You okay with that?" Hutch asked. "Sure. Why wouldn't I be? Hutch we need to talk. There's some things I need to tell you." "Starsk' they'll be time for that, when you get outta here." Hutch soothed. He was not sure he wanted to hear what Starsky had to say. _What's happened to us buddy? Where do we go from here?_ Starsky could see doubt in Hutch's face. He continued, "Hutch you gotta listen to me..." He looked at Hutch, pleadingly. "It's important." "Okay partner." he replied quietly." Hutch me and Rosie.." Starsky began. Hutch interrupted, "Starsky, there is no you and Rosie. What about Venna?" he challenged. "Hutch, listen to me. I know it's hard. You loved her too. I understand that. You think I'm being disloyal, hell I wondered that myself, but with Rosie, it feels...God I don't know Hutch, but it feels so right." Starsky tried to explain. "Was that before or after you found out about Michael, Starsky?" Hutch asked, coldly. "Hutch I'm sorry I didn't talk to you before, but we...well you know, we're not exactly connecting at the moment, are we?" "Starsky we've never had secrets from each other. Me and Thand Starsky was sorry, but determined that, this time, he was going to put his need's before his partner's. "Hutch I'm doing what's right for me." he tried to explain. "And Dylan? Where does Dylan fit into all this?" asked Hutch, still angry. "Hutch I'll have a better chance of keeping Dylan, if I'm settled. He'll have a brother, a mom." "He had a brother and a mom Starsky. What makes you think he wants, or is even ready for another?" Hutch was getting angrier. He was not trying to understand how Starsky felt. All he could think of was Venna. How could his partner even be thinking this way so soon after her death? "I don't understand you, Starsky. I thought you loved her?" he asked. "Hutch I still love her. I haven't forgotten her." He sighed. "I'll never forget her. What we had, what we were, together. But she's gone. I love Rosie." Starsky tried to explain, but Hutch wasn't listening. "I've gotta go buddy. Look I'll be back in the morning. Got things to do. You know?" Hutch was trying to dismiss Starsky and Starsky heard it. He was sorry. He was confused. They both were. Starsky was scared. He did not understand what this meant for them. What if they could not get over this? "Hutch?" "Yeah Starsk?" "I love you buddy." Hutch's face softened, his anger partially subsided. "I love you too buddy. Now get some sleep. I'll be back in the morning." "Okay Hutch." Starsky knew he would not sleep that night.

Early the next morning, Rosie arrived at the hospital with Michael and Dylan. Starsky was ecstatic to see them, "Hey guys!" he grinned and then smiling warmly at Rosie, "You came. How's he been?" he nodded towards Dylan. "He's been fine. David, the boys have had a wonderful time together, haven't you guys?" she asked the children. "Sure have Starsky!" grinned Dylan. "I got a new brother!" he continued. Starsky looked at Rosie, "What's going on Rosie?" "David don't be angry. I sat down with the children last night. They know everything." She seemed pleased but Starsky was angry. "What gave you the right? Who said you could talk to Dylan without me?","David please..." "Please what? Rosie Dylan is Venna's son. Not yours! You had no right to make that decision, without me!" "David I was only tryin'..." she pleaded. "Tryin' what? Hutch was right about you. This isn't love. You're not Venna. Rosie go!" "David..." Her face searched his, all the love she had seen there before was gone. Starsky was angry. "Rosie just go." He closed his eyes, softly he said "Please"

Rosie went to leave. She took Dylan and Michael's hands and went to leave. "Dylan stays with me" Starsky instructed coldly. "David, he's a little boy. Let me take him to school. What ever is going on, he's nothing to do with this." "He stays" Starsky said firmly. Rosie bent and gave Dylan a kiss. "I'll see you soon sweet heart. You stay here with Starsky okay?" "Aw. I wanna go with Michael." The little boy begged. He liked this lady. She was not his mommy but she was a kind lady. He liked being at her house. But he loved Starsky too. He nodded and went and sat on the chair next to Starsky's bed. "Michael go and say goodbye to your daddy." she instructed their son. "Michael hesitated. He did not know this strange man. He also knew he was angry and that had frightened him. Starsky, seeing the hesitation in the child, said to him, gently, "It's okay Mickey. You go to school. I'll see you soon. Go on now. Go with mommy." This was all moving to fast for Starsky. He was tired. He knew he needed to get to know his son but his priority was Dylan. He needed Hutch. Hutch would know what to do. _I'm gonna make it up to you buddy._ He buzzed for a nurse. "Nurse can you call my partner. Ken Hutchinson? 9th Precinct. I need him to come and take my boy." _Please come Hutch, we gotta work this out. I need you._

Hutch was in the squad room when he got the call, from the hospital. When he was told that his partner needed him, he was afraid that Starsky had taken a turn for the worse. _We gotta work this out Starsky. If I lose you, I need you to know how I feel._ He got into his car and made his way to the hospital.

When he arrived he cautiously made his way into Starsky's room. Dylan was sitting, with some colouring books on Starsky's bed. They were both colouring a picture of a house. "Hey guys!" Hutch said, cheerfully, as he walked in. "Hutch!" Dylan hopped off the bed and ran to him. Hutch scooped him up and carried him back to the bed. He sat down, with Dylan on his lap. Starsky sat, in bed, looking at them both. "Starsk'" "Hutch" they both said in unison and laughed. Hutch touched Starsky's arm. "I'm sorry buddy. I've been selfish and horrid and confused and..." Hutch began, but Starsky interrupted him. "Hutch, it's okay. It's been hard for both of us. In this room..."Starsky looked at Hutch, then Dylan," In this room, is all I need." He smiled tenderly at Hutch. "What about Michael and Rosie?" asked Hutch. "You were right partner, there is no Rosie and me. I guess I wanted there to be. I wanted to create that dream again, you know the one with the happy family, kids, house. I don't love her Hutch. I love Venna. I guess Rosie came along at a time when I was venerable. We weren't connecting. I had Dylan, I was lonely. Lost. Scared. I want to know Michael, but I don't know if I can be a father to him. I don't know. There's a lot still to figure out." Starsky was beat. "We'll figure it out together, partner. Maybe there is no fairy tale ending? Maybe this is as good as it gets? but I tell ya buddy, from where I'm sitting this looks pretty good" Both Hutch and Starsky laughed.

They were going to make it. Things would be different. Starsky had two children to consider now, but both detectives were together again, their friendship intact, and they knew that what ever happens, they would never be alone. Never alone.


End file.
